I understand that when people are in Soho, they’re drunk, giddy and mindblown. I love recommending bars and pubs I’m the part-time TripAdvisor for pissheads and good-time people. I give directions to nearby churches, sexual health centres and gay saunas. If you’ve ever been nervous about venturing into a Soho adult shop, I say – don’t be! (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto) In a single day, I helped a modern-day skinhead buy cake-themed bath bombs for boyfriends a lady in a niqāb was finding her husband a gay glory hole a gent in a wheelchair searched for masturbators to accompany his ceiling swing sessions and an astounded nun trying to find the nearby Roman Catholic parish. I also often help customers pick toys that look as little like an actual penis, so the border police miss them. We serve a lot of men who open a chat by telling us they’ll be executed back home for being gay, so they ask how long they’re allowed to browse even though they can’t buy anything.Ī man once bought aeons of DVDs (discs only) because he ships them in confectionary boxes to an East Asian country where porn and sex toys are outlawed.
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They browse, wide-eyed at the rainbow flags, fake penises, boyfriend birthday cards, and prostate massagers. I speak to customers from countries where LGBTQ+ people face intense persecution.
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I once served a decorated veteran whose hands shook with age as he barely tapped his contactless card and thanked me smiley and unreservedly as he stocked up on porn. When I think about what it’s like to do my job, I think of our genuine customers – 98% of them are very respectful. I got hounded after work by a group of straight guys I’d served on their stag do and took them to a gay club where they carried me above their heads. I was once even shown an impressive head scar when a customer had brain surgery after a furious wank gave him an aneurysm. One told me, ‘I went to a funeral a week in the 80s,’ as he fixed a red AIDS Day ribbon to his shirt. I enjoy speaking to older customers for their wisdom, although some of them think we still sell books or magazines with escorts’ numbers on the back. The spectrum of people I meet is magnificent and I love that I can have banter with customers – it relaxes them when they visit. The other half – light and comfortable – is for the sex toys, like dildos, buttplugs, massagers and masturbators.
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We’re really not a back alley cupboard with a chain link doorway.
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First, it’s brightly colourful, full of clothes and gaudy gifts – like penis-shaped everything, rainbow flags, coasters, magnets and wind-up willies. Our shop is divided with an open *ahem* passage. I was taught to help customers enhance their sex lives – from the difference between silicone and water-based lube, to the variety of toy materials and why gays value underwear brands instead of a Primark three-pack (it’s because of their loyalty to a brand, the fits being better, materials nicer, and it’s a little more sexy in their eyes). I was also surprised to discover porno DVDs sell well despite the internet. I discovered how many types of dildos there are, as well as the importance of bendiness, firmness, curves and straightness. I was amazed that ‘aromas’ are the best selling products, so I learned chemical names like pentyl nitrate. On my first shift, everyone was welcoming, sarcastic, lovely and savage all at once. Thankfully, I got the job at the end of the interview, although my colleagues still take the piss out of me for wearing a blazer, and sliding my fake nose ring off to scare my future boss. On the day of the interview, I panicked on a street corner before breathing, entering the store, and nervously saying ‘hi’. We will be splitting the funds with akt, a charity dedicated to supporting young homeless LGBTQ+ people.
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To celebrate 50 years of Pride, .uk has teamed up with Kyiv Pride to raise money for their important work in Ukraine.ĭespite war raging around them, Kyiv Pride continue to help LGBTQ+ people, offering those in need shelter, food and psychological support.